TORTINI

For your delectation and delight, desultory dicta on the law of delicts.

Junior Goes to Washington

November 4th, 2024

I do not typically focus on politics per se in these pages, but sometimes politicians wander into the domain of public health, tort law, and the like. And when they do, they become “fair game” so to speak for comment.

Speaking of “fair game,” back in August, Robert Fitzgerald Kennedy, Jr., [Junior] admitted to dumping a dead bear in Central Park, Manhattan, and fabricating a scene to mislead authorities into believing that the bear had died from colliding with a bicycle.[1] Junior’s bizarre account of his criminal activities can be found on X, home to so many dodgy political figures.

Junior, who claims to be an animal lover and who somehow became a member of the New York bar, says he was driving in upstate New York, early in the morning, to go falconing in the Hudson Valley. On his drive, he witnessed a driver in front of him fatally hit a bear cub. We have only Junior’s word that it was another driver, and not he, who hit the bear.

Assuming that Junior was telling the truth (big assumption), we would not know whether or how he could ascertain where the bear was injured by having been hit by another vehicle in front of his own vehicle. Junior continued his story:

“So I pulled over and I picked up the bear and put him in the back of my van, because I was gonna skin the bear. It was in very good condition and I was gonna put the meat in my refrigerator.”

Kennedy noted that New York law permits taking home a bear, killed on the road, but the law requires that the incident be reported to either the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation (DEC) or to the police, who will then issue a permit. In case you are interested in going roadkill collecting, you can contact the DEC at (518) 402-8883 or wildlife@dec.ny.gov.

Junior, the putative lawyer, flouted the law. He never did obtain a permit from a law enforcement officer, but nonetheless he took the bear carcass. The bear never made it back to Junior’s sometime residence. The six-month-old, 44-pound bear cub carcass lay a-moldering in the back of his van, while Kennedy was busy with his falcons. Afterwards, Junior found himself out of time and in need to rush to Brooklyn, for a dinner with friends at the Peter Luger Steak House. Obviously, Junior is not a vegetarian; nor is beaten down by the economy. A portherhouse steak at Luger’s costs over $140 per person. No credit cards accepted from diners. The dinner went late, while the blow flies were having at the bear cub.

Junior had to run to the airport (presumably in Queens), and as he explained:

“I had to go to the airport, and the bear was in my car, and I didn’t want to leave the bear in the car because that would have been bad.”

Bad, indeed. Bad, without a permit. Bad, without being gutted. Bad, without being refrigerated.

Junior had a brain storm, in the part of his brain that remains. He would commit yet another crime. (Unfortunately, the statute of limitations has likely run on the road kill incident.) Junior dumped the dead bear along with a bicycle in Central Park. The geography is curious. Peter Luger’s is in Brooklyn, although the chain also has a restaurant in Great Neck. From either location, traveling into Manhattan would be quite a detour.  There are plenty of parks closer to either restaurant location, or en route to the New York airports.

Junior’s crime was discovered the following day. Although the perpetrator was not identified until Junior’s confession, the crime scene was reported by no other than one of Junior’s Kennedy cousins, in the New York Times.[2]

Now as any hunter knows, if Junior were to have any chance of actually using the bear meat, he needed to gut the animal immediately to prevent the viscera from contaminating muscle tissue. His recklessness in handling of the carcass reflects a profound ignorance of food safety. Junior might have made the meat available to the needy, but his disregard for handling a dead animal rendered the carcass worthless. Last weekend, Felonious Trump announced, at a rally, that he had told Junior that “you work on what we eat.”

Let them eat roadkill or Peter Luger steaks.

Women’s Health Issues

Trump, the Lothario of a porn actress, the grab-them-by-the-pussy, adjudicated sexual abuser,[3] has also announced that he will put Junior in charge of women’s health issues.[4]  Junior appears to be a fellow traveler when it comes to “protecting” women. Back in July, Vanity Fair published the account of Ms. Eliza Cooney, a former babysitter for Junior’s children. According to Cooney, Junior groped her on several occasions.[5] Junior conveniently has no memory of the events, but nonetheless apologized profusely to Ms. Cooney.[6] Junior texted an “apology” to Ms. Cooney not long after the Vanity Fair article was published:

“I have no memory of this incident but I apologize sincerely for anything I ever did that made you feel uncomfortable or anything I did or said that offended you or hurt your feelings. I never intended you any harm. If I hurt you, it was inadvertent. I feel badly for doing so.”

Junior’s lack of memory may be due to his having lost some undisclosed amount of his brain to a worm that resided within his brain.[7] Even so, the apology combined with the profession of lack of memory was peculiar. Ms. Cooney, who is now 48, was understandably underwhelmed by Junior’s text messages:

“It was disingenuous and arrogant. I’m not sure how somebody has a true apology for something that they don’t admit to recalling. I did not get a sense of remorse.”[8]

Somehow the awfulness of placing Junior in “charge” of women’s health makes perfect sense in the administration of Donald Trump.

Health Agencies

If placing the integrity of women’s health and the safety of our food supply at risk is not enough to raise your concern, Trump apparently plans to let Junior have free rein with his “Make America Healthy Again” program. Just a few days ago, Trump announced that he was “going to let him [Junior] go wild on health. I’m going to let him go wild on the food. I’m going to let him go wild on the medicines.”[9]

Junior has forever hawked conspiracy theories and claims that vaccines cause autism and other diseases. As part of the lawsuit industry, Junior has sought to make money by demonizing vaccines and prescription medications. Recently, Howard Lutnick, the co-chair of the Trump transition team, after a lengthy conversation with Junior, recited Junior’s evidence-free claims that vaccines are not safe. According to Lutnick:

“I think it’ll be pretty cool to give him the data. Let’s see what he comes up with.”[10]

Pretty cool to let a monkey have a go at a typewriter, but it would take longer than the lifetime of the universe for a monkey to compose Hamlet. [11] Junior might well need that lifetime of universe, raised to the second power, to interpret the available extensive safety and efficacy data on vaccines.

 Junior has been part of the lawsuit industry and anti-vax conspiracist movement against vaccines for years. When asked whether “banning certain vaccines might be on the table,” Trump told NBC that “Well, I’m going to talk to him and talk to other people, and I’ll make a decision, but he’s [Junior’s] a very talented guy and has strong views.”

Strong views; weak evidence.

Junior asserted last weekend that the aspiring Trump administration would move quickly to end fluoridation of drinking water, even though fluoridation of water supplies takes place at the state, county, and municipal level. When interviewed by NBC, yesterday, Trump said he had not yet spoken to Junior about fluoride yet, “but it sounds OK to me. You know it’s possible.”[12] Junior, not particularly expert in anything, has opined that fluoride is “an industrial waste,” which he claims, sans good and sufficient evidence is “linked” to cancer and other unspecified diseases and disorders.[13]

If there is one possible explanation for this political positioning is that anti-vax propaganda plays into the anti-elite, anti-expert mindset of Trump and his followers. We should not be surprised that surprised that people who believe that Trump was a successful businessman, based upon a (non)-reality TV show, and multiple bankruptcies, would also have no idea of what success would look like for the scientific community.

At the end of the 20th century, the Centers for Disease Control reflected on the great achievements in public health.[14] The Centers identified a fairly uncontroversial list of 10 successes:

(1) Vaccination

(2) Motor-vehicle safety

(3) Safer workplaces

(4) Control of infectious diseases

(5) Decline in deaths from coronary heart disease and stroke

(6) Safer and healthier foods

(7) Healthier mothers and babies

(8) Family planning

(9) Fluoridation of drinking water

(10) Recognition of tobacco use as a health hazard

A second Trump presidency, with Junior at his side, would unravel vaccination and fluoridation, two of the ten great public health achievements of the last century. Trump has already shown a callous disregard for the control of infectious diseases, with his handling of the corona virus pandemic. Trump’s alignment with strident anti-abortion advocates and religious zealots has undermined the health of women, and ensured that many fetuses with severe congenital malformations must be brought to term. His right-wing anti-women constituency and their hostility to Planned Parenthood has undermined family planning. Trump’s coddling of American industry likely means less safe workplaces. Trump and Junior in positions of power would also likely mean less safe, less healthful foods. (A porterhouse or McDonald Big Mac on every plate?) So basically, seven, perhaps eight, of the ten great achievements would be reversed.

Happy Election Day!


[1] Rachel Treisman, “RFK Jr. admits to dumping a dead bear in Central Park, solving a decade-old mystery,” Nat’l Public Radio (Aug. 5, 2024).

[2] Tatiana Schlossberg, “Bear Found in Central Park Was Killed by a Car, Officials Say,” N.Y. Times (Oct. 7, 2014).

[3] Larry Neumeister, Jennifer Peltz, and Michael R. Sisak, “Jury finds Trump liable for sexual abuse, awards accuser $5M,” Assoc’d Press News (May 9, 2023).

[4]Trump brags about putting RFK Jr. in charge of women’s health,” MSNBC (Nov. 2024).

[5] Joe Hagan, “Robert Kennedy Jr’s Shocking History,” Vanity Fair (July 2, 2024).

[6] Mike Wendling, “RFK Jr texts apology to sexual assault accuser – reports,” BBC (July 12, 2024).

[7] Gabrielle Emanuel, “RFK Jr. is not alone. More than a billion people have parasitic worms,” Nat’l Public Radio (May 9, 2024).

[8] Peter Jamison, “RFK Jr. sent text apologizing to woman who accused him of sexual assault,” Washington Post (July 12, 2024).

[9] Bruce Y. Lee, “Trump States He’ll Let RFK Jr. ‘Go Wild’ On Health, Food, Medicines,” Forbes (Nov. 2, 2024).

[10] Dan Diamond, Lauren Weber, Josh Dawsey, Michael Scherer, and Rachel Roubein, “RFK Jr. set for major food, health role in potential Trump administration,” Wash. Post (Oct. 31, 2024).

[11] Stephen Woodcock & Jay Falletta, “A numerical evaluation of the Finite Monkeys Theorem,” 9 Franklin Open 100171 (2024).

[12] Jonathan J. Cooper, “RFK Jr. says Trump would push to remove fluoride from drinking water. ‘It’s possible,’ Trump says,” Assoc’d Press News (Nov. 3, 2024); William Kristol and Andrew Egger, “The Wheels on the Bus Go Off, and Off, and Off, and . . .,” The Bulwark (Nov. 4, 2024).

[13] Nadia Kounang, Carma Hassan and Deidre McPhillips, “RFK Jr. says fluoride is ‘an industrial waste’ linked to cancer, diseases and disorders. Here’s what the science says,” CNNHealth (Nov. 4, 2024).

[14] Centers for Disease Control, “Ten Great Public Health Achievements — United States, 1900-1999,”  48 Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report 241 (Apr. 2, 1999).