Daubert Approaching the Age of Majority

PLAINTIFF LAWYER:  WHY DID YOU FILE THE DAUBERT?

DEFENSE LAWYER:  THE DAUBERT WILL SET MY CLIENT FREE.

PLAINTIFF LAWYER:  THE DAUBERT WILL COST YOUR CLIENT A LOT OF MONEY WHICH COULD COMPENSATE YOUR VICTIMS.

DEFENSE LAWYER:  THE DAUBERT WILL BAR YOUR EXPERTS AND GIVE US THE SUMMARY JUDGMENT.

PLAINTIFF LAWYER:  YOU WILL LOSE THE DAUBERT.

DEFENSE LAWYER:  NO; WE WILL WIN THE DAUBERT BECAUSE YOU DO NOT HAVE THE BRADFORD HILL.

PLAINTIFF LAWYER:  THE BRADFORD HILL ARE NINE THINGS.  WHICH ONE ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

DEFENSE LAWYER:  I AM TALKING ABOUT ALL NINE.

PLAINTIFF LAWYER:  NO, WE HAVE THE BRADFORD HILL LOCKED UP.

DEFENSE LAWYER:  BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY OF THE NINE.

PLAINTIFF LAWYER:  THE BRADFORD HILL SAYS NONE OF THE NINE IS NECESSARY; THEREFORE WE HAVE ALL SATISFIED.

DEFENSE LAWYER:  BUT WAIT; YOU DO NOT EVEN GET TO THE BRADFORD HILL.  YOUR P-VALUE IS TOO LOW.

PLAINTIFF LAWYER:  I AM THE PLAINTIFF LAWYER.  I CANNOT BE TOO RICH, TOO POWERFUL, OR HAVE TOO HIGH A P-VALUE.

DEFENSE LAWYER:  NO; YOU NEED TO SHOW STATISTICAL SIGNIFICANCE BEFORE YOU GET TO THE BRADFORD HILL.

PLAINTIFF LAWYER:  STATISTICAL SIGNIFICANCE IS NOT A LITMUS TEST; SO I HAVE THAT SATISFIED AS WELL.

DEFENSE LAWYER:  YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.

PLAINTIFF LAWYER:  YOU NEED TO KEEP UP WITH THE CASE LAW.  LET’S GO PICK A JURY.

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